Numb Bum

Sweat pouring off me, I cruised to a shaky halt and heard the voice ask us all to stand.
Stand?! Was he joking? I couldn’t even feel my legs, let alone raise my numb bum off the saddle.

Welcome to the life of this Gadget Reviewer.

My name is Alex Hamilton and in true tradition of internet speak – a/s/l – age / sex / location – I am 37 years old, female and reside in London.

Anyway back to the numb bum. I was trialling the new Water Rowing machine with a view to reviewing it for our main site, TakTik Bitch.
I think most people just expect us to be sent a gadget, plug it in, turn it on, stand back and go “oooh!” or “argh!” and bang out a review. There are occasions however when it becomes a little bit more involved. For all of the light-heartedness of the reviews on TakTik Bitch (herein referred to as TTB) we really are keen to ensure that if we say something is worth it’s money that it really is.

Hence the numb bum. I know nothing about rowing machines other than that the idea of exercise is a painful one, let alone doing it. However if I was going to write about it, I’d better get stuck in and be sure myself that it was a sensible and beneficial way to exercise.
Dammit.

I had agreed with the PR Exec that I would rock up at 7pm on a Thursday night and undertake what was loosely described as a “45 minute spinning class”. Oh dear god.

The first drama was what to wear. I live in jeans and tops. So I raided around and found an old pair of trackie bottoms that not only gave me a muffin top but a muffin bum too. I hauled on a clean baggy T-shirt, raked around for some near to white socks as I could find and a pair of trainers that had seen more time inside a cupboard than out. Over the top of this ensemble I pulled on a fleece big enough to stuff an iMac up.

6.21pm and I raced for the Tube. That 400 metre speed walk convinced me that I wasn’t made for exercise. The dark and raining night did little more to inspire me. All sense of professional dedication seeped off down the gutter with the rain. Still, I breathed in damp armpits and mouldy rucksacks for the few stops to Baker Street and skidded my way down Crawford Street.
Slipping gracelessly down the stairs to Trinity, a small but wonderfully welcoming gym, tucked away beneath the recently defunct Totally Fitness I was greeted by three smiling (or was it amused?) faces. The PR Exec who was going to train with me and my two trainers, James and Fabio.

A brief chat and the next thing I know is that I am sitting in a light airy room with four other women and James, all of us astride individual and rather chic contraptions – Water Rowers by uh, WaterRower.
Now the blurb stated that a 45 minute session would exercise 84% of the bodies muscles. Great… I gave myself 5 minutes, tops.

Without much ado, the session started and the first thing that had me grinning like a loon was the amazing sound of the machines. It sounded like waves breaking gently on the shore and I had fleeting visions of me meditating my way through the next 44 minutes. James however had other ideas and within minutes I had no time to be aware of anything other than keeping pace with the rest of the class as he lead us through speed and power bursts, keeping us all in unison.
I was speechless at what could be achieved. This was no simple thrust, lean back, fight the resistance and clunk your way forward again. Smooth but with a sense startling similar to real rowing I started to understand how 84% of the bodies muscles could indeed benefit from these machines as James guided us through twisting lightly to both sides and crunching our abdominal muscles whilst my thighs were already on fire.
Heart racing and perspiration pouring down me I struggled on, strangely inspired not to give up although the word “Bastard” frequently reverberated through my being as James routinely upped the pace.

I spied in the corner of the screen attached to the Water Rower what looked to be a timer and took heart. Only four minutes to go. I grinned. Through gritted teeth. I’d make it to the end if it killed me. Except the time went way beyond the 45 minutes. I looked more closely. It wasn’t a timer at all but an aid to measure distance and power. Good thing that “Bastard!” was internal for it would have shattered the mirrors surrounding us. God but I was furious. I struggled on and finally, another two tracks later on the stereo James called us to a smooth halt and asked us to stand… and it was here that I discovered my legs had mutinied. There was no control beneath my numb bum. I sat for a moment and then the sheer exhilaration of having completed my first ever WaterRower spinning class hit me and I stood. Shakily.
Yet still it was not over.
James then guided us through an upper body work-out using the machine and I decided no swear words in the World would quite match my thoughts.
Yet, dammit, I was still smiling.

I left the gym not long after, feeling remarkably content and pleased with myself, despite the urge to lie on my belly and crawl back to Baker Street Tube.

I have asked to run the trial for approximately four weeks, schedule allowing, twice a week as I hope that within this time I shall be able to directly observe changes to my level of fitness. Watch this space…

In the meantime if you would like further details on either the WaterRowers (handmade in either sustainably-sourced wood or all steel frames and celebrated by the likes of not just myself (ha) but Anna Friel) please click here.

If you’d like more information on the spinning classes at Trinity please contact James or Fabio directly: -

Basement Studio,
108 Crawford Street,
Baker Street,
London,
W1H 2JB

(020) 7935 5190